Dating has become obsolete as a traditional approach to finding the person that people enter into a relationship with, since most people fall into a monogamous relationship within the first few dates.
As a marriage/relationship counselor and professional life coach, I encounter many couples who began a long term relationship without ever really taking the time to date their partner, allowing each person the opportunity to slowly engage in revealing who they are and their positive and negative characteristics traits, their cultural attitudes, their backgrounds and habits. They may have long discussions about these things, but actually taking the time to have them revealed is quite a different experience with different outcomes.
Dating as a ritual may seem outdated, but the process provides necessary information for each person to determine whether they are actually well suited for a relationship together. It is an important stepping stone.
A few decades ago, young people began group gathering as opposed to individual dating. Groups of friends would gather at the malls, the movie theaters, bowling alleys, skating rinks and other various activity based forums. Some of those people would couple-up and meet with the same group for all the activities and suddenly they would find themselves in a relationship.
Even though people currently meet on-line and go out for a few dates, they also find themselves in a relationship fairly quickly. People who are introduced by friends follow the same pattern and there are reasons for this approach, which are becoming increasingly disturbing. A majority of the people find themselves in a relationship quickly without really taking the months of time that it takes for people to reveal themselves. I don’t use the term “reveal” lightly.
People automatically present the best of themselves to someone when they first interact. This isn’t a game, but an unconscious way of trying to connect with someone. We don’t relax into our complete selves until it feels safe enough to engage on a more comfort driven level and that is different for every person. But, at this point the couple is already established and patterns have been set.
People need the time to date someone without the imperative of finding Mr. or Ms. Right as the immediate goal. The dating process has stages and it requires healthy detachment to afford the clarity to assess the person that they are engaged with.
Working with a professional to learn the process offers advantages that can’t be gained otherwise.