Every time that I work with couples during relationship counseling, I notice that the most difficult area of communication comes when each partner is asked to really listen to what the other person is saying. When asked to listen without thinking about how they will respond or defend the other person’s statement or feeling, they find difficulty in really hearing and acknowledging.

In our “Active Listening and Conscious Communication” workshops, really listening is the most challenging of the tools that we encounter. I would ask each of you reading this blog to try this exercise:

Ask your partner to tell you one thing that they find irritating or challenging in the relationship.
Listen without thinking about a response.
Acknowledge by a nod of the head when listening.
Thank the other person for sharing their feelings when they are done.
Ask if you can repeat back what you heard them saying and do so.
Then, and only then, let the other person know how what they said made you feel, but do it without saying you in the statement. Example: That made me feel really sad and a little angry.
Say nothing else and just allow your feelings to be enough for the first conversation.

In a future communication on the same subject, each person can share a single action they could take to find a resolution. That conversation can be no less than 24 hours later.

Let us know how the exercise works and thank you for reading our blog!